Abandoned To The Army

When I was six my parents gave me to the army. Early in the morning my father pulled me out of sleep. It was still dark. He packed me on his back down the mountain trail from the village. His long black hair tickled my nose all the way. After we came to the main road I had to walk. We walked most of the day. I had no water and my throat was chalky dry because it was the time of no rain. We walked between the rocks in the red powder of the earth as the red sun beat upon my head.

Finally we came to a cluster of houses. At the side of the road was a tin roofed lean-to. Men with guns sat in the shade of the slanted roof and also some stood in the shadow of a great tree that spread its frog-like limb’s over the road. They looked mean and I was scared but my father walked over to them. He left me near the base of the tree and went to talk with some of the men near a truck. I played with a dung beetle in the dirt.

Finally father turned away from the men and began walking down the road. He never even looked at me. I thought he had forgotten me. I cried out, "Papa," but he did not turn back. I began to run after him but one of the men in green caught me by the arm and cuffed me. “You stay here,” he slurred at me. I was shocked. I tried to lunge away but he struck me again. 

That evening they threw me on the supplies that awkwardly filled the truck and told me to hold on or die. We drove all night till my arms ached and my skin stung sore from the dust and wind. In the morning we arrived at a town and drove up to a cement and metal fence. This was to be my prison. I did not know what a prison was. I did not even know what an army was. But now I know because I have lived in this place of no escape. I later found out my parents had offered me for nothing, I was not even worth a few coins!

Some of my friends came here because they were orphans. Some of them were conscripted. Others were abandoned. I was one of the most unfortunate –so I thought. My parents disowned me. I don’t know why. Maybe, as I learn more about my world…I think there was not enough food and my mother’s stomach was taut with a coming child. Another still nursed at her breast. My two brothers, both older than me, worked hard on the farm. They could help father better than I could –I heard them say it.

Lessons from the Rope

My first morning I still remember. I woke that day to the rhythm of the rope upon my body. The song of the rope I know well now. It woke us very early every morning, before the great light had risen in the sky. It struck the flesh of all who where not rising from sleep quickly enough. Most of us did not wake unless we had to. Our bodies ached fearfully and in sleep we could forget… The rope that bit our flesh seldom causes us to bleed but there are times… o yes… there are times.

We would gather to attention in the courtyard. There we stood and drilled. Every day was the same.

The rope was our companion as we marched out to the fields to work. All of us had to labor in the fields. We also worked in rock quarries, we built roads, we carried the burdens of the soldiers, sometimes many days by foot. If we had ridden on a truck to work, we would be like pigs going to market. And who would want to do that? It would be going to market to be slaughtered. Yes, we learned that we were animals, the difference is, we speak and other beasts are dumb.

After a stretch of work in the morning, we would get a break. We were given food in dirty, cracked bowls: rice with some vegetable broth. It gurgled painfully into the knot that lived and twisted in my stomach. I think it was an angry spirit that came to steal what little food I got. At night I was given maybe half a bowl of the same food…if I was fortunate. If we tried to take more, the rope slithered across our shoulders. The rope's only comfort is that it's familiar.

Training for Soldiering

The year I was numbered eight years old, they began to teach me to be tough, to hate, to have a heart to kill my enemies. This was easy. My only family was the army and I hated them too. I couldn't run away though, there was nowhere to hide. A few years before, many of my friends ran away. I thought I heard the guns barking in the distance but I don't know…only a few returned out of many ten's of fingers of children that fled.

I began to train with weapons when my instructors decided I was near my tenth year. This was good because I spent less times quarrying rock and my back and legs did not ache as much. Because so many of my friends died, there is a void in my heart. Some of my other friends would go to bed down with the older soldiers at night. They escaped the sound of the rope in the morning. Afterwards there was money in their pockets to buy small things but I felt scared because many of them wept in the days that followed. Some became very sick and if we are sick in that place we most likely die. There is no help and no hope for the sick there. The spirits were very powerful.

What is death like? Do I wander around like a ghost or can I just forget that I am alive and sleep a very deep sleep? These are the questions I questioned myself with sometimes but most days were too difficult for the lips of my thoughts to speak to me…

The Rescue

I was nearly twelve when it happened. It was almost my time to begin as a one of those entrusted with guns. I thought maybe it had something to do with that. The soldiers lined us up and began to sort through our ranks. I saw they were choosing the worst of us, the weakest. I was chosen because I had a limp from a falling rock in the quarry. I tried to stand straight so I would not be hit but my shirt was too tight. Some years my clothes hung loose, some years they fit almost right. That day my clothes pinched my shoulders. I only had the clothes that were on my back. When I turned 12 they would have given me a real soldier's outfit.

A man with a smile walked around us and took pictures. He put his hand on my shoulder. I shuddered. I still remember my friends. Most of them had painful sickness that people say came from laying near the soldiers. I don't like it when men smile at me now. They told us we had been cast off from the army and this man had taken us because we were no good any more.

Several moon cycles later I was still in the army. I wondered some days what would happen when I left. The army was almost my only memory. Then I became very sick. My mind wandered and I cried for my father to come back and take me home. That day I could not get up when the rope beat its tattoo on my side. Later they piled my hot body into a truck. I lay among the others while we were driven to the place I now live. I think we were all very sick.

It was like a dream…children from that place came and helped me down. They looked very fat so I knew I was dreaming. At first we shared the beds of these nice, fat children because there was no place for us. Their beds were very soft. The other children were kind and so were the adults. I did not see any soldiers. Every day they fed us rice porridge and gave us medicine. I was told this was my new home.

They told me about a man named Jesus who loves me and a Father who lives in heaven who sent His son Jesus to look for me and when He found me He brought me here, to this place, just because He loves me so much. At first I could not believe but then I did not die when I knew I should have. And the people were so kind. I had three meals a day and warm blankets, a change of clothes and new shoes. I even used soap for the first time in my life. I wept many tears that night when I was in my bed. 

Now I have been here one year. At night we all gather to sing songs of thanks to this Father in heaven and His Son who came to be with us. We feel Him so near us when we sing and pray. I have decided that I will follow this Jesus. He is also a soldier I am told, but He is strong because He is love. I do not understand all this but I know that I have been rescued and it is God in heaven that I want to follow.